A new “park” just opened in Vegas. But in true Vegas fashion, there’s little greenery — just a concrete expanse paved with chain eateries and hi-fructose corn syrup, designed to funnel spendy schmucks into a new cash-cow with a giant, glowing vagina looming overhead.
But wait, this latest vagina is actually Art: a 40′ statue of a nude woman first exhibited at Burning Man 2010 called “Bliss Dance,” said to represent femininity at its free-est. Ever the hater, I couldn’t stand the fuckin’ thing back in ’10 at Burning Man (T&A in the guise of female empowerment…YAWN), and now that it towers over hordes of philandering middle-management Billy Joel fans and drunken frat boys, I find it even more tiresome. I understand that the artist built it with lofty ideals about reclaiming femininity without fear, but its current setting robs it of any intended significance. Here in Vegas, it’s just another giant, glowing Pussy For Sale.
As a pussmonger myself, I know a little bit about the matter. Pussy — or the promise thereof — is big fucking business in Vegas (as it is the world over — but one of the things I love about Vegas is its transparency; we don’t even pretend). And I make no bones about it: I make my living selling pussy! Maybe not the actual pussy itself, but the dream of it — as a nude model, I flaunt my pudenda to all and sundry, for a price. And I have very little patience for women who shame me for it.
The fact is, I am far from alone in my pussmongering. All I have to do is look around me at the gym — I’m surrounded by women in huffing, puffing, sweating pursuit of a tight pussy (and the rest of the pussy life-support system). Why shame each other, gals? We’re all in this together! The truth is, few of us are using our college degrees to make a living; most of us have chosen to use our bodies, instead. So let’s stop judging each other.
“Now wait,” I can hear some self-righteous balloon-breasted service-bot saying, “I’m a bottle waitress, not a prostitute.” Don’t kid yourself, sister! If you’re working for tips anywhere on the Strip, you’re selling puss, just like the rest of us. We are all part of the Vegas Vagina Industrial Complex…some of us are just coyer about it than others. And since I have very little tolerance for coy, I’m here today to put it all out in the open. So to speak.
After years of wading ass-deep in the murky pheromones of the Vegas tourist economy, I have classified the five main subtypes of pussmongers in town. Don’t deny it — you know it’s true!!!!
Out of all the subtypes, this class earns the highest respect from me because they operate basically without pretense: pussy for sale, cash money accepted. I have zero sympathy for thieves and scammers, and minimal sympathy for those beholden to pimps…but to the rest of the hardworking Vegas prostitutes, I salute you (I’m not technically sure the “honest hooker with the heart of gold” exists outside of Hollywood…but sheer numbers insist there must be at least a few).
This class earns the second highest respect from me. Again, thieves and scammers aside, an honest stripper works her ass off — both physically and with her mental skills, such as they may be — by giving guys exactly what they want: the promise of pussy, up close and personal. Why shame a stripper for her work? She’s only doing what the rest of us do — just more openly. Whereas other women on this list cloak their pussmongering in bullshit…strippers are literally dangling their carrots right in front of his stick. I applaud such honesty.
*Note: I basically lump myself into this category, since the only difference in much of my modeling is the label of “art” plastered on the transaction. But realistically…there are tons of female artists, yet I can count the number of women who have hired me on half of one hand.
3. Showgirls/dancers/magician’s assistants/artsy bullshit
Any kind of female performer in a Strip show — not to be confused with a strip show, though there are in fact several Strip strip shows — is basically selling her pussy as well, and I don’t care how many years of jazz/tap/ballet you took to get there. They’ll kick your ass to the curb if you get too fat — and why do you think that is? So that Joe Sixpack from Rustbucket, Pennsylvania can fantasize about railing you instead of the tattooed manatee of a wife he’ll be drunkenly laboring over later that nite. Even if you’re not parading around topless with 50 pounds of rhinestones up your ass, your pussy is still being used to sell show tickets — SURPRISE! Even those artsy fucking Cirque shows have that number with the hard-bodied split-legged Russian on silks. And I’ll give you one guess as to what most guys are thinking when they see a 90 lb. Chinese acrobat with her ankles behind her head.
4. Promo/tradeshow models
This class is the worst in terms of judginess and denial, and their sour grapes stem from the fact that they don’t make anywhere near as much money as strippers and hookers. But, by golly, they’re nice girls working for an agency!! (Not that kind of agency!) All dolled up in Bebe’s sluttiest interpretation of corporate attire, using puss to lure Willy Loman and the rest of the lemmings into buying one shitty planned-obsolescent widget after another. Do you think they’d hire you if you didn’t have a vagina? Ask all them male tradeshow models how much work they book!
5. Casino employees: cocktail/bartender/dealer/etc.
Finally, the corporate-sanctioned cooze: casino employees. It seems like every bar, pool, blackjack pit and keno lounge on the Strip is staffed by pussy — although here at least it’s of varying vintage, as thanks to the Culinary Union they can’t always fire these broads once their juices run dry…which is why you get all these complaints about the cocktailsauri at Caesars Palace. Old pussy = ewwww = get thee to pasture, nag! But don’t worry, guys…the Vagina Industrial Complex is an efficient union-busting political machine as well. You won’t suffer for long!
Anyway, as a cog in the Complex, I’ve obviously spent a lot of time thinking about this. I didn’t intend to make a living using my vagina; I went to college and read a lot of books and made it all the way through pre-calculus before giving in and going the lazy route. Moving to Vegas seemed a no-brainer; this town, more than any other, is powered by puss. Literally! Without pussy (or the promise of it), Vegas probably wouldn’t exist — why else drive all the way to the middle of the desert to play poker with a bunch of balding sad sacks when you could do it in your own basement?
I made this point recently at the 12″ Inches of Sin IMMERSIVE art happening, where I was invited to perform as the Electric Vagina. In the past I’ve used my Electric Vagina to power drills, ice guns and blenders…but I can’t keep falling back on the same tired old shtick. No one likes a stale vagina — cocktailsaurus! It was time to devise something new.
And the idea came to me: a literal representation of pussy power in Las Vegas — the famous neon sign itself, plugged into my crotch. Why not?!
Without pussy, the Strip would go dark in no time — no tits, no glitz; no gash…no flash.
Loosest slots in town?! Pussy has always been the most powerful money vacuum on the Strip.
Incoming search terms:
- Wonderhussy Vagina
I love you Wonderhussy! Keep on writing. Friend of Gillian.
Thank you 🙂
I love the stuff you are posting.
Wow! Your best work (that I’ve read) to date. Worthy of Swift or Clemens.
You tell it like it is. I love it!
Wow! I’m still impressed by you. Keep it up.
Thanks Dan! 🙂
I have to disagree with you. I kind of like Bliss Dance – at least in photographic form. It’s innocent of its uses and location. Because, isn’t all “successful” art eventually exploited for money? Aren’t all those hip, rebellious punk rock songs of my very early youth now being used to sell luxury cars and Caribbean cruises? Personally, I’m looking forward to the day when Serrano’s Piss Christ is used to sell McDonald’s lemonade. Also, perhaps part of your problem has less to do with the piece than with the forced interpretation. “Femininity at its free-est” is a bit of a yawner and seems to be directed as an apology to stick-up-the-butt people who find nudity “inappropriate.” I can see those “Gee shucks, thems is enlightened boobies”/Midwestern “It wasn’t intended to titillate” values coming across as insulting in a town full of workers #1 – #5.
“the Vegas Vagina Industrial Complex” – haha, why they haven’t hired you to write the brochures, I’ll never know. Pussy Power to light the Welcome to Las Vegas sign = now that’s art!
Well, you must have learned something in school since you’ve NEVER come across as an airhead or a dipshit in any way whatsoever. At the very least, you come across as well read with your fancy Latin phrases and Arthur Miller references.
Thanks! My beef with Bliss Dance has nothing to do with art being commercially exploited.
My beef is that it’s BORING AS FUCK.
My friend Otis said it best: “It does sort of perfectly combine all the “Look at me, I’m an enlightened evolved goddess” femme-hippie bullshit with all the “W00T TITTIES maybe if I pretend I’m a shaman and get her high enough she’ll let me fuck her” man-hippie bullshit.”
Who knows, maybe if I saw it in person I’d think, “What a piece of crap!” This is entirely possible.
Upon re-reading, the part where you said you didn’t like it at Burning Man either stood out. So, missing that is my fault for reading you too late at night. But the “femme-hippie bushtit” is part of the sentiment I was trying to convey in the second half of that first paragraph. Fear of the “male gaze” has changed the way people are “allowed” to discuss female nudity in art. Heaven forbid someone’s interpretation be, “That’s hot.”
Well, I’m glad we cleared that up. 🙂
But now I’m aggravated because I meant to write “bullshit” and it came out “bushtit” – WTF autocorrect? lol
Castorinata? Had to look that one up. Brilliant!
I like how you sometimes challenge your readers.
…and speaking of exploitation, I am all for equal rights for men and women to be topless in public, but I have always thought that the “Free the Nipple” campaign, disguised as an female empowerment movement, was actually obtaining the opposite result, with well-meaning young women being misguided for male viewing pleasure.
The unintended result of every mass-distributed image of a woman since the first Montgomery Ward catalog has been the same.
The INTENDED result is what matters to me — that I don’t get a fine for not wearing a shirt.
Your vagina is spectacular, and there will always be a market for quality.
It will eventually end up in the dumpster with all the other spoiled meats…but thanks!
Ah, but if sex wasn’t so puritanistically taboo, then it wouldn’t sell. And we wouldn’t have the Adventures of Wonderhussy to entertain us. So much as I abhore censorship in all its forms, it enables your experiences and our voyeurism.
That statue is too Barbie body perfection to be a good representation of feminism.
Keep up the good writes! And I’m still waiting for you to market your Wonderhussy merchandise. I dearly want to run around bum-fuck Ohio wearing a Wonderhussy ball cap! 🙂
If you did that you would be my HERO!
I second that. Ohio needs a good jolt of the W.H.
The lady doth protest too much.
You’re too hard on yourself…and us. There’s nothing wrong with electric vaginas, or tight vaginas, or even an electric Billy Joel for that matter. Just messin’…your inner torment is our artistic revelry. Keep layering that nacre.
I too had to look up “castorinatus.” Those books paid off!?
Hi Wonderhussy, i learned that you have experience on tickling gigs. Could you please share the whole story and photos of your tickling experience?? I am very interested in tickling video shoots!
I’ll share my experience once I get some time! I already have so many other topics to blog about!
Really can’t wait to hear about it because i would really want to try the tickling experience soon! Please share it as soon as possible!! Thankss! I suppose Lucy was just copying me.
Hi wonderhussy! I love your articles on fetishes!! I understand that you did an experience on tickling video shoot! Could you please share your whole experience and photos?? I love tickling shoot! Please give some tips on tickling as well as being tickled! 😀
Waitaminute….I got this exact same message from someone supposedly named Michelle! Am I being spammed?!?!?!?!?!??! YOU FUCKER!
Yeah we want to know all about the “tickling” stuff goddammit! Pull that feather duster out of your ass and hurry the fuck up!
LOL ok, I’m on it!
Yeah Man!! Please Please write on it quickly!!
YEAH! Come on!! Havent heard anything about the tickling stuff!! Can’t wait for it!! Please do it real soon!! And dont disappoint us with the story!! Tell us everything!!
There’s little to tell…..I showed up, got tickled, laughed, got paid, went home.
You OK I haven’t seen you post anything in over a month.
All The Best
I know!!!! I’ve been so fucking busy working on restoring an old vintage trailer, preparing costumes for Burning Man, hustling photo shoots etc…no time to post. Sorry 🙁
You’re such a perfect personification of that desert, Route 66, kooky, alternative Americana that I love so much but can’t adequately describe in words. Anyway, just wanted to express thanks because I don’t know of any other bloggers/purveyors of content that exude this aesthetic.
Anyway, I’ll just be over here in Pennsylvania, surrounded by trees that cover up the beauty of the terrain like a curvaceous woman wearing a big, deciduous bathrobe.
Hey now! I have a HUGE fluffy bathrobe that I enjoy wearing in the winter 🙂
Thanks for your kind words!
100% spot on. LOL
Been away from your blog for a while, but never disappointed when I return. Someday I may actually complete my goal of reading EVERY Wonderhussy post, but for now I just dove back in in a kinda random spot while I anxiously await your latest Burning Man Adventure musings (a post about the playa back when first got me hooked on your missives). And just as Vegas knows how to use puss to sell, you have learned well how even using the word ‘vagina’ in a title creates click-bait for web crawlers. Hope your burn was searing SJW!
Thank you!! I’m still working on my Burning Man blog…almost done, but more fun adventures keep getting in the way!
Here’s what I can’t understand: why aren’t there cocktail waiters at casinos. I mean most of the people I see on the slots are women. The casinos I’ve been to in Maryland and West Virginia is 60% women 40% men. So why not put some muscular handsome guy in a tight fitting shirt and make the little old ladies happy? That said I think it’s terrible how far its gone in Vegas, I mean Oscar Goodman showed up for the BROADcasting event at some hotel in downtown Vegas (the Plaza I think). If the mayor of any town in the DC area or any county supervisor in the surrounding suburbs showed up for that, it would ruin his or her career. Local voters would not be offended by the sex, they would be offended by the sexism.
Well we have made a cottage industry out of sexism…can’t kill the goose that lays the golden egg! They did try cocktail waiters at the Rio…might still be a few.
Awesome ! YOUR writing is amazing. I guess what I’m saying is that, I never expected it from you. After you’re a model !!!- Models aren’t smart ??? That’s why they are models…. I have watched your vlogs and now read your blogs and ……… Your blogs are better.. Your narrative on video is not as good Watch adamthe woo…
Thanks!!! I’ll check him out; many have compared me to him
Didn’t know if I ran out of room. Anguish you blogs are great !! But you blogs are even better… Keep up the awesome work…
Don’t remember where I saw or heard it, but it’s worked for me over the years.
Here’s to each and every little thing. Here’s to your little thing..and to my little thing.
And just remember one little thing. If your little thing ever needs anything, my little thing isn’t doin’ anything. But, being a hetero male who really does love women, a
little thing from Willie Nelson applies…”I’m tired of the rocks and the brambles…those
barbed wire fences and all. Now I’m lookin’ for a homelife with clean smellin’ sheets
and all the soft places to fall.” Someone soft feminine and warm to hold is good.
Wonderhussy…..you are so gorgeous and beautiful……..you would look even more so if you shaved the hair off from under your arms in your photos and videos….that is what a man looks like, not you !
(second reply to, of the 6th story of yours read tonight)
WOW! I became aware of being a victim of my own dick over 25+ years ago (much sooner than most guys), you really nailed it with this. Brutal honesty, Perfect body, Pretty face, and a Brain not drowned out by the cacophony of cash register bells!? If I could convince you; you have a thing for old guys you would be my perfect woman.
(previous post not a pervious post) was kidding!
Sorry I made you uncomfortable
I like your writings and all your videos. You are very beautifull and smart lady. Some people think that nude models are just dolls and nothing else. Becide your videos and your sexy body, I like to hear your stories and to read what you write. Just go on with this, you are succesfull.
Thank you so much! What a kind and thoughtful comment…I’m glad you appreciate all that I do, and realize that people are definitely not two dimensional!
I love the way you ‘don’t’ fill out that Hooters shirt! ;-*