Wonderhussy

Update! Seterus approved my short sale…sort of.

When I finally realized I COULD NOT ever hope to afford to keep my house, I decided to short sell it, as opposed to just letting the bank foreclose on it. Short selling is MUCH more work than just “walking away” (foreclosing), but I decided to do it for one reason:

If I let the bank foreclose, they could potentially sue me for the money I owe them…and they would have six months to do so. I didn’t feel like sitting around waiting for six months! But if I short sold the property, I could stipulate that the bank waive my deficiency (i.e. forgive the rest of the money I owe them…remember, I “bought” the house for $380,000) as part of the sale. They would basically be agreeing to take whatever I got for the short sale ($112,000) in exchange for letting me off the hook.

Since ALL I WANT is to be free, I thought this was the best course.

But, since I farted around so long (waiting to see if the bank would modify my loan to the point where I could stay in the house)…I ran out of time. By the time they told me they couldn’t modify my loan, it was almost too late for me to short sell. My lawyer advised me that he could TRY to get my short sale through in time, but he couldn’t guarantee it…because I was already so deep into the foreclosure process. So when I hired him, it was with the understanding that he MIGHT VERY WELL FAIL.

To his credit, he prevailed. Even though it’s TOTALLY DOWN TO THE WIRE, and my house is set to be auctioned on the 15th, somehow my lawyer and his assistant managed to sweet-talk the guy at Seterus (the people who bought my loan from Chase) and get the damn short sale approved in time!

BUT, it’s not a perfect happy ending. The short sale approval letter from Seterus makes no mention of them waiving my deficiency!! The SALE CONTRACT states this clearly as a contingency, but the actual approval letter makes no mention of it. So my lawyer advised me that I have two options:

1) cancel the short sale and request a re-written approval letter that makes mention of their waiving my deficiency. This is NOT really an option, since I only have 6 days (before the foreclosure auction on the 15th)…and there’s no way Seterus would come back in time with a new, improved approval letter.

2) sign the approval letter and PRAY they don’t come after me and sue me blind. My lawyer seems to think it’s pretty unlikely that they’ll come after me…he gave me 80-85% odds of getting away scot-free.

STILL….that means I have 15-20% odds of Seterus suing my ass down the line, say 5 years from now (legally, they have 7 years to do so): “Oh by the way…you owe us $270,000!!!!”

FUCKERS!

After an agonizing night, I went with #2. I feel like I’ve sincerely done the best I could to extract myself from this BAD DECISION ethically and responsibly…what the fuck more can I do?! I’m just *PRAYING* they let me go without incident.

Meanwhile, the people who bought my house (for $112,00…which makes me literally sick to my stomach) are on my ass. Their Realtor called me today: “When are you going to be out?!” (The lady who’s buying the place is a real hard-ass.)

WHAT?! I *COULDN’T* move, or do anything, until the deal closed…or else my homeowner’s insurance coverage would lapse. So even though I’ve had a new place lined up for MONTHS, I couldn’t really start moving until the deal closed. WTF! Now they want me out by FRIDAY, or they’re gonna start charging me RENT!

HAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As mentioned, I already have a new place lined up. A very generous reader of this blog offered me a house to stay in, all to myself, so that’s not a real concern. But I do have a LOT of stuff (my wig collection alone is a real monster), so it’s not like I can just vacate the premises overnight. Sheesh!

To make matters worse, I’ve had the last 3 weeks off from my camera job…but of course, the shit had to hit the fan EXACTLY when I have to go back to work 🙁 So, for the next several days, I’ll be working overtime…trying to move, and pay my bills at the same time. FUCK!

Anyway, while all that was going on, I still had to go about my business and try to earn some milk money. Thankfully, a little something called the Super Bowl came along. Let me spend the rest of this blog telling you about SAUSAGEFEST WEEKEND!

Super Bowl (or the Big Game; the NFL trademarked the name “Super Bowl” so that sinful dens of iniquity like Vegas wouldn’t be able to use it) is a BIG weekend for Las Vegas. Hordes of beefy, beery mooks from all over U.S.A. descend in droves to eat up all our wings, drink all our beer, and fondle/ogle all our busty young chicks in an orgiastic display of overindulgence and fat-assery. IT’S LAME!

But, I need to make a buck….so I always work. Let me tell you about my personal history of working the Super Bowl in Vegas.

My first Vegas Super Bowl, I was a cigarette girl at the Flamingo. I worked the 2am-10am shift, and I never made ANY money — I mean, think about it! Who the fuck is awake and gambling at the freaking FLAMINGO between 2-10am?! — except for on Super Bowl Sunday, when I miraculously made about $220. I used the cash to finally buy a television, which I did not have up to that point (bad decision, I know).

After that, I took the next few Super Bowls off. I remember being super-sick in bed during the 2005 game, when Janet Jackson’s titty was scandalously exposed by Justin Timberlake…but I was so feverishly delirious that I couldn’t even tell if it was really happening!

By 2007, I had established myself as a “promotional model,” and started working Super Bowl parties for pay. For the next 5 years I was a Bud Light girl at various Super Bowl parties around town — at the Riviera, the Tropicana, Harrah’s (I was actually a Miller Lite girl that time) and the Mirage…as well as one year, when I just roamed around to various local bars. This job basically entailed putting on a Bud Light (or Miller) shirt, and tossing beads, Koozies and keychains to hordes of testosterone-fueled, drooling mooks. Easy work…but very lame.

This year, I was hired by a friend to work as a waitress at a huge Super Bowl party sponsored by a local Italian restaurant. It was easy work — just be fun, flirt, wear Daisy Dukes and bring drunk assholes their beers — but I was a little uneasy about the pay situation. Normally, as a Bud/ Miller girl, I make about $30/hour. We generally only work until halftime, so it’s usually a 3-hour, sub-$100 gig…which sucks. But this year, the situation was even odder!

At this particular party, they had about 30 girls working, plus bartenders and bar backs. The plan was that we would all work for tips, then pool everything and split it evenly at the end of the night. I had my doubts — I am an honest person, but I know how shady chicks can be…and I just KNEW there would be one or two or ten of ’em who secretly pocketed the money, instead of sharing it.

Sure enough, I heard from a friend that there were a few chicks who were caught red-handed stealing money. Ironically, the woman in charge of the party is a Burning Man habitue who hired mostly Burning-Man-friendly waitresses…all supposedly “peace, love & understanding” types, some of whom who turned out to be thieving whores. One of them even started working drug deals with some of the football mooks at the party — apparently one guy asked if she knew where he could get some Ecstasy. WOW!

Still, the offenders were busted and the rest of us got a share of the money — which ended up being pretty good! I was really glad to have worked it, and the woman who hired me is FANTASTIC — a truly cool person, who also happens to live one block away from my new house 🙂 So it was alllllll good 🙂

Still, I’m totally glad football season is over, and the fat mooks have left town…for now. March Madness is right around the corner, and they’ll be back before I know it 🙁 Arrrgh!

Anyhoo, that’s all I have time to write about — I have to get to bed ASAP, so I can get up early and finish moving all my shit out to my new place. I spent FOUR YEARS fighting for my old house, so it’s very emotional. I’ll admit, I hugged the walls a time or two…I can’t help it; even though I’ve suffered mightily in this place, I still have a deep fondness for it.

🙁