I was doing a photo shoot at the Tuscany Hotel the other afternoon, when the photographer asked me, “Say, would you mind trying something a little….kinky??”
If you’d had the kind of week I’d just had, it would have given you pause, too. I mean, I have a pretty high tolerance for/interest in some fairly weird stuff…but some of my misadventures lately have been a bit rich, even for my blood!
It all started when an old acquaintance called me the other week, out of the blue. This is someone I’ve known for over ten years, but haven’t talked to since around 2010 — a 60-ish lounge singer/ladies’ man/aspiring photographer/gym rat I used to hang with way back in the day. Well, in the time since we’d last talked, “Dino” (not his real name) had gotten into the fringes of the porn industry. While singing at a corporate party, he met the president of some porn production company, and somehow ended up as their Vegas talent procurer.
Say what you will about this guy — he has an uncanny knack with the ladies, and he managed to scout a few astonishingly good-looking girls around town: one at the gym, one at Roberto’s taco stand, etc. Somehow, he was able to talk these everyday chicks into performing in porn movies…and now, every weekend he loads four at a time into his SUV and drives them all down to L.A. for shoots. Dino is basically a glorified babysitter — he drives them to the shoots, makes sure they’re not fucked up, makes sure they’re hair- and makeup-ready, and even directs them during the shoot (since the girls are comfortable with him, they allow Dino to direct a little, in the name of making things easier). He tries to book multiple shoots for the weekend, to make it worth everyone’s time, and the production companies pay him for his services, as well as taking care of his and his girls’ room and meals while in L.A. It’s a great gig!
Well, whenever he finds a new girl in Vegas, he shoots a little promo video of her, to show his bosses in L.A. He was using a male actor in some of the clips, but the guy flaked on him one too many times, so now Dino started standing in, instead. He films himself from the neck down only, so as to preserve his identity, and basically holds the camera with one hand while the girl gives him a blow job. When he showed the first clip to his bosses, and confided in them that it was his penis in the shot, they got all excited. Apparently, he has an exceptionally photogenic dick — they said it has a “silky” look to it, and they encouraged him to shoot more content of himself.
So now Dino needs someone to do the filming, because he can’t keep holding the camera out at an awkward angle — he wants to get creative, and shoot some fetish-type stuff…and he needs both hands for that. Remembering what an open-minded kind of person I am, he called me up out of the blue, to ask if I’d be interested in working for him, shooting footage of him and his girls. Why me? Well, aside from my being open-minded, he also knows that I won’t judge him, make fun of him, or reveal his identity — basically, he trusts me. Awwwww!
So I agreed to come over to his house for a (paid) introductory session, during which he showed me all the photos and videos he’d taken thus far. I was astonished at how beautiful this one chick in particular was — you know how porn chicks are usually pretty gnarly and hardened looking? Well, this girl is the classic “girl-next-door.” A very marketable look! And there she was, sucking Dino’s “silky” dick on camera. Wow!!
I accepted the job, so in the near future I guess I will become a pornographess. Yay!! I’ve been wanting to get on the other side of the camera, anyway — this should be an interesting way to get in on the action. The only bummer is, he asked me what I’d want to be paid, and I had no idea what to charge for my videography skills: “Uhhhh…I don’t know; $25/hour?” He accepted my bid right away, so I get the feeling I should have asked for WAY more…but what the hell do I know?? D’OH!!!! I’m a terrible businesswoman.
So while all of that was going on, I was still going about my business, doing all the other strange gigs that come my way. Most of my work was photo shoots — I’ve been doing a lot of them lately, both out in the desert and in various hotel rooms around town. I often tell people “I’ve been in more hotel rooms than a prostitute!” and it’s true. Most photographers I shoot with are business professionals in town for one trade show or another, and photography is just a hobby for them. To blow off steam after a long day at the convention center, they set up a shoot or two at their hotel rooms after hours. There’s not usually anything weird about it — hotel rooms make pretty good studios if you bring a few lights with you, and the furniture and decor is generally fairly nice. Plus, as a model I feel a bit safer at a hotel/casino, what with all the security around…as opposed to shooting way out in the desert, ya know?
Usually, like I said, the photographer is some fusty old corporate-type — which is fine with me; I don’t judge! But a couple weeks ago, I showed up for a shoot at Ballys (of all places, LOL)…and the photographer turned out to be a super hot rocker-type dude from a band I think I might have actually heard of! I can’t give many details, as his wife is extremely jealous, and supposedly would have a shit fit if she knew he was shooting a model. I mean, she knows he has a photography business on the side…but according to him, if she knew he was paying a model, she’d freak. So he asked me not to even credit the photos he’d taken of me!! A shame…because they are really good photos (all the ones in this post credited to “Anonymous” are by him)!
What’s ironic about all this is, the main reason they are going through such tough times in their relationship right now, is she cheated on him! I truly wish I could give you all the bizarre details, because they are worthy of a movie (or at least an episode of Jerry Springer), but I promised I wouldn’t write anything too detailed about him. Arrrgh! But suffice it to say, I spent a good half of the shoot acting as therapist for him, while he poured out all his troubles and marital woes to me. (Little known fact: I am a great listener.)
Anyway, that was a fantastic shoot, as were most of the others I’ve done lately. One day I went over to the always-glamorous Palace Station hotel for a shoot with these Canadian pornographers, who run some kinda website featuring girls stripping and talking about themselves. It was pretty basic stuff — pose for cutesy pics, then prance around for short video clips of the same. The interview part was much more fun — I ended up singing the “Ode to Joy” from Beethoven’s 9th Symphony (they had asked me what my favorite song was) while sucking on a lollipop they had given me as a prop. Whatever!!
Another day, I got up and ready by the insanely early hour of 9:30am for a shoot out at the Clark County Heritage Museum — an outdoor collection of rusty old mining equipment and old houses down on Boulder Highway, in Hendertucky. The photographer had me come out there early so as to avoid “crowds.” Crowds?! Who the fuck even knows about the Clark County Heritage Museum??! And even if you know about it…who the fuck goes out there on a windy, chilly Wednesday?
Apparently, every asshole and his Aunt Mae, that’s who! That fucking museum was slammed, even at 9:30am — retirees, travelers and busloads of excitable schoolchildren running around on field trips!!! It was awkward as hell — here I am, trying to pose in my cheesy “sexy pin-up” outfits on tractors and cabooses and whatnot, while hordes of snickering schoolkiddies look on. Awkward!!!!! To make matters worse, it was really windy that day — my false eyelashes kept blowing loose, and I was wearing this cheesy blue dress I got once from a Bud Light promo gig, which has a slit right up the middle. I almost flashed those poor, innocent schoolkids a time or two! A very trying shoot.
But if I thought that was trying, boy was I ever in for a surprise. I got booked for another shoot over at Harrah’s one night that turned out to be the perviest thing I’ve ever witnessed! It started out as usual: the photographer asked me to bring lingerie and cute little outfits, which I could strip out of as he blasted away with his state-of-the-art prosumer equipment. He was a nice enough guy — maybe a little sweaty-palmed/nervous, but we had a decent rapport going as we shot, chatting about this and that. I mentioned that I did a lot of fetish modeling, and what a coincidence, he happened to shoot fetish videos, too!
According to him, he had a gig shooting fetish clips for the private collection of an attorney in his hometown — this guy would pay him to shoot videos of guys jerking off, while models sat on the sofa nearby watching. No contact, no sexual behavior on the part of the model, nothing untoward — just sit on the sofa and watch the guy jerk off. “Would you be interested? It only takes 15 minutes, and pays $100.”
“Yeah, sure, if I’m ever in San Antonio I’ll let ya know.” I wasn’t really interested; I was just being polite. But then he goes, “Oh no, we could do one right here, at the end of our shoot!” Apparently, just like my friend Dino, he had been using male models off Craigslist to do the jerking off…but one too many had flaked on him, so now he just set his camera on a tripod, and filmed himself jerking it, from the neck down so as to preserve his identity. Hmmm.
“Weeeelll….OK,” I said. I mean, all I had to do was sit on the sofa, right? How bad could it be????
So now he was all excited, and finished up the rest of our shoot in record time — the two hour shoot only took 59 minutes, LOL. Then he sets up the camera on a tripod, and tells me what I have to do. And it’s not just sitting on the couch!!! Now it turns out I have to walk back and forth, then take off my clothes, kneel next to him, and then go sit on the sofa.
“Whaaaaat? No way, man! I am not kneeling naked next to you while you jerk off!! That sounds like prostitution to me — how do I know you’re not vice??!” We haggled back and forth, and to his credit he gave me plenty of opportunity to back out. But finally we agreed on a scenario where I would just sit on the sofa naked while he jerked off about 10 feet away. Still gross….but whatever.
If anyone ever sees this video, you will die laughing (or crying)…I must look soooo uncomfortable. I sat there staring at the camera while he whipped out his turkey-neck-looking dick and went to town. While he did his thing, I pondered the intricacies of prostitution laws: was this considered prostitution? Or did the fact that he was filming it somehow protect it as mere pornography? I am endlessly fascinated by what exactly constitutes prostitution — I feel like the laws are total bullshit. You can fuck a guy for free, or in exchange for a car…but if he gives you cash, you’re a prostitute. Huh?? Meanwhile, you can pay a girl cash to have sex on camera, and it’s totally legal — as long as someone is filming it. If you ask me, these laws are seriously fucked up and a total waste of time.
Anyhoo, after about 30 sec of ruminating, he shot his wad, washed his hands, and paid me. The 2-hour shoot he’d hired me for was over with in 75 minutes, and I had a $100 bonus to show for it. I felt kinda dirty, but what are ya gonna do? Now that I think about it, I bet there was no “attorney” paying him to shoot these “fetish videos;” I bet it was just a ruse, to get me to watch him jerk off. WHATEVER! Coming as it did on the heels of my thing with Dino, I had found it semi-believable…so please don’t laugh at me too hard!
Soooooo, after all that weirdness, you can see why I bristled when this guy at the Tuscany asked me if I minded doing something “kinky.” But all it turned out to be was, he wanted me to lay on the bed naked while he placed little plastic frogs, race cars and a dinosaur all over my body. LOL! You call that kinky, Mister????! It was a breeze — especially because the guy was a total professional about the shoot, and actually used a light meter and stuff, and gave me actual direction in my posing. And he finished shooting 30 minutes early — always a plus. Kudos to you, Mr. Legit Photographer! May there be many more of you in my future.
So that was all my photo shoots lately, but I did plenty of other borderline-skeezy gigs too — it was just that kind of week. Was it something in the air??? Ugh! First, I had a date with a guy from WhatsYourPrice.com, who had hired me to keep him company at the pool, at the hotel where he was staying. I showed up around 1pm and he was a nice enough, good-looking guy from Florida…but he was a total alkie!! He kept telling me I wasn’t drinking enough, but jeez! I didn’t want to get wasted in the afternoon, for Pete’s sake. As it was I had three Captain Morgan & Cokes…but even that didn’t satisfy him, as he was basically chain-chugging scotches.
We had a pleasant enough conversation for the first hour or so, but then he got drunker and drunker, and pretty annoying. The weather was kinda shitty, too — really windy and on the chilly side — so after a couple hours, we packed it in. He invited me up to his room, where he had bought me a bottle of Captain Morgan, and I think he basically expected me to fall into bed. But to his immense drunken dismay, I just mixed a drink and stood by the door until he followed me back downstairs. HELLO??! Here is what it says on my WhatsYourPrice profile, VERBATIM: