Uh oh, I was drinking wine and surfing craigslist again. This time I applied for a gig as a live demonstration model at a sex seminar.
The ad didn’t give too many details except for the only detail that counts: it pays $130/hour for 6 days of work. That sounded good to me, and since I’ve already modeled nude for roomfuls of people, I figured this was just one step further.
The guy who runs these seminars finally called me for a brief phone interview yesterday, as I was headed into Lowe’s to buy some sprinkler heads. People are always glaring at me for having inappropriate phone conversations in public (just last week, some a**hole on the airport shuttle bus admonished me to “use your indoor voice” because I was talking about my vagina on the phone), so I very considerately stayed outside the store to have this conversation — treating two Lowe’s workers on a smoke break to some verrrrrry interesting eavesdropping.
The guy explained how he runs these exclusive seminars for wealthy couples who are looking to improve their sex lives. These seminars are not advertised anywhere and keep a very low profile — no cameras allowed. What I would be doing is demonstrating different techniques on a platform in the middle of a darkened hotel suite, while no more than three couples at a time sit around and watch. Supposedly they do these seminars in New York all the time, but this is the first one in Vegas. Many of the New York models are coming out to do the seminar, but they also needed to hire some local talent to round out the crew.
He stressed over and over how it’s not “porn” and it’s not an “orgy.” Supposedly, it’s sensual and classy, with rose petals on the bed, music playing and mood lighting. Then he asked me if I would be comfortable in various scenarios, ranging from doing a solo show (masturbation) to girl-girl to ménage à trois. My end of this conversation must have been particularly interesting to those eavesdropping Lowe’s employees.
Honestly, I am not comfortable doing any of those things in front of an audience…if I were, I’d have started my own webcam site looooong ago, and would be raking it in playing with myself instead of subjecting myself to the torture of photographing mentally unstable Canadians every night.
But I had to ask myself why I’m not comfortable doing so. I consider myself an open-minded libertine and free-spirited Bohemian — so why does the thought of doing a live sex demo skeeve me out? If someone offered me $130/hour to eat donuts until I puked, I would. If someone offered me $130/hour to fart into a jar full of cockroaches, I probably would. So why the mental block about sex? I make such a big deal about living La Vida Sinvergüenza… but it looks like I’m not totally without shame, after all 🙁
Most importantly…do I have the right call myself Wonderhussy if I’m too scared to have sex on a platform in front of a roomful of tycoons and trophy wives? It almost seems like this is something I need to do, to prove to myself that I truly am free of society’s bullshit constraints.
All this was running through my mind as I talked on the phone outside Lowe’s. I was interested, but hesitant — and then the seminar guy (I’ll call him Ari) asked me if I would be able to do a live audition in his hotel room.
Ari said he needed to see how sensually I can move and react and touch and stuff. Well, I guess that makes sense…but it was still pretty weird. Also, he informed me that in addition to being the brains behind these seminars, he also just happens to be one of the performers — so if I wanted, I could use him as an audition partner. HMMM!!! The alternative would be to audition with one of the other applicants.
Ari offered to meet with me first,so I could ask questions and think about it before deciding whether or not to audition… so I decided to go over and at least suss out his vibe and see what was up. However, the only time I was available was after work that night…. so around 10:30pm I went over to his room at a certain upscale-douche-infested property.
I met him in the lobby and he seemed nice enough: a professionally dressed, well-groomed Middle-Eastern-ish-looking bald guy in his late 30s. He did have a faint whiff of the perverted libertine about him, so I kept myself on guard as we went up to his room, making polite chit-chat, and sat down to discuss the details.
The seminar runs from 10am-5pm on Friday, Saturday and Sunday for two consecutive weekends. My job duties would be to perform only four or five 30-minute demonstrations a day, but I still get paid for all the time I’m there. So basically I am looking at a substantial payday…all for laying around having sex. Also, if I decide to proceed, I could also model for their seminars in New York…which would be verrrrry interesting indeed.
Throughout all this Ari was professional, but definitely pervy. He kept offering to let me use his bathtub (room was really nice and had a giant tub) or shower, so I could “relax.” HMMM!!! My inclination was to thank him for his time and leave to “think about it” overnight, then decline…but the longer I sat there, the more I grew comfortable with the idea of doing this. I kept thinking of this documentary I saw once about a sex therapist (Private Practices, on Netflix — check it out) who was the coolest lady ever — just totally straightforward and open about sex. Her job was to help dysfunctional men feel more comfortable with women, so she had sex with her clients to show them how it should be.
Finally I just got tired of thinking about it, and allowed Ari to give me a sensual massage. A very sensual massage! He enjoyed it more than I did, if you know what I mean…I was just acting, anyway, because I was not attracted to him in the slightest (bald guys aren’t my thing). It wasn’t altogether unpleasant, however — until he asked if he could bust a nut on my face!!! Supposedly this was one of the techniques they demonstrate in the class.
“ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! When you’re paying me $130/hour you can jizz on my face — but this is an unpaid audition. I’m not giving any FREEBIES!”
So he did his business elsewhere, and then offered me the job. I guess I passed the audition!! He also offered to hire me as his assistant when he conducts interviews and auditions with the other prospective models, and to help him out with setting up the materials and props and whatnot for the seminar (they have books and handouts and stuff, just like in high school biology class).
I told him I would call him today and let him know what I decided…and I’m still not sure. I’m leaning toward saying yes — I’ve never had sex with a woman, nor any interest in having sex with a woman…but I have no moral opposition to doing so, so why not? The same goes with all the other scenarios — I told him I was open to anything except anal sex. That, my friends, is a one-way street.
I feel like I should do it because it would be character-building, horizon expanding, boundary-pushing…and GREAT BLOG FODDER!
The only reason I have for not doing it is shame and embarrassment.
What say you, dear reader?
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