Does the title of this post make you uncomfortable? How about the photo?
I bet the answer to both is “yes,” and that’s part of what’s wrong with this fucked-up society. Neither the photo, nor the word “vagina,” are overtly sexual…but because the subject is pussy, people freak out. WHY?
(Note: if you’re freaked out by the photo because it’s bald, you have a semi-valid concern. The fact that I shaved it (for a body paint session) DOES kinda make it pedophilic-creepy. But I’m well over 18, and it’s still just skin.)
I’m as guilty of this as anyone. As a nude model, I have what we in the industry call “limitations:” on my Model Mayhem portfolio, I state that I am willing to shoot anything up to “Playboy-style” nudes — which basically means closed-leg, as opposed to “Hustler-style” open-leg shots.
I consider myself a real free-thinking bohemian-type — what’s so bad about nudity, nipples, etc.? I’m comfortable running around naked all day, every day…but if a photographer wants to photograph my vag, I freak out. It seems like an invasion of a very “private” area.
But WHY? What is so fucking private about the vagina? If someone wanted me to open my mouth as wide as possible, to photograph my uvula and tonsils, I’d have no qualms. What’s so magical about the vagina?
To me, it’s just a fount of piss, blood and unpleasant secretions — the most unpleasant of which potentially being the mucous-covered head of a crowning fetus (a
catastrophe miracle which, thankfully, has never been visited upon my particular vagina) (yet). But the vagina seems to symbolize a lot more for many people.
To wit: despite the clearly-stated limitations on my Model Mayhem profile, photographers are always trying to get me to SHOW MORE VAGINA. It’s like a fucked-up game with some of these guys, and sometimes it gets so exhausting/tiresome that I give in, in the interest of getting the fucking shoot over with faster: OK fine, have at it. You wanna see some pussy? Here ya go, motherfucker. It’s a relief in a lot of ways — I can stop sucking in my gut, pointing my toes and smiling, and just flop back without having to worry about my facial expression or anything else — because you know they’re already in Macro mode, with no time for anything above the 33rd parallel. It’s easy!!
I finally had enough of this cat-and-mouse and amended my Model Mayhem bio to read as follows:
“…if you REALLY want to photograph my labia minora and other innards, be advised that my rate for clinical, up-close spread vag shots is $700/hour. So go ahead; bust out your most powerful telephoto lens, jeweler’s loupe, what-the-fuck-EVER, and blast away! I’ve been told I do have a very shapely vagina For $700, you too could have 60 wondrous minutes of staring at/photographing it. Although why you would want to, I have no idea! “
I got the idea from a stripper I once I knew, who told me that some Japanese guy once paid her $5,000 (or some ridiculous sum of money) to simply stare at her vagina up-close, like within a couple of inches, for an hour. Are men really that fascinated by the vagina? Apparently so! Do you guys want to crawl back in, or what?
Alas, however, since modifying my MM bio I haven’t had any takers. Maybe it’s because the pervy photographers on there are too cheap; or maybe they’re just not as interested as I thought. Or maybe they think I’m being facetious. But the truth is, I’m serious!
I will gladly lay down and let you photograph my vagina for an hour — labia majora, minora, clitoral glans, urethra…ALL of it! As long as you don’t touch it/poke anything in it/harass it, I’m fine (I will part the curtains myself, at your direction, in a strictly clinical fashion.
My reasons for doing this are manifold; first, I’d genuinely like to clear up some of the bullshit mystique surrounding La Vagine. Keeping shit under wraps is what leads to all kinds of retarded superstitions — nothing kills bullshit like the blasting rays of the mid-day sun. In this, I’m inspired by Annie Sprinkle and her “Public Cervix Announcement,” a performance art piece in which she lay back and spread open her vagina with a speculum, then let all comers have a look inside (Google it; it’s awesome). (And will ya check out the expressions and body language on the men looking at her…priceless!)
Second, I’d like to make a buck. If I can get anyone to pay me $700 for one hour, that would be awesome. I hereby solemnly swear to donate $100 of any such bookings to Planned Parenthood [amending my Model Mayhem page to reflect this as we speak]!
Third, I’d like to get over my own vestigial hang-ups regarding having my vagina photographed. If it is, as I say, truly just another body part…then I should have no problem putting it on display, a la Sprinkle. Just not in a dumbass cheesy “Come and plow me, Big Boy!” kind of way…more in a “Here it is, what you always dreamed of: the dank, fleshy portal to my uterus.”
Is that a boner-killer? Sorry!
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